I have been attending an English Literary workshop (hope it will improve my English) and we were introduced to limericks.

I suppose most of you know what they are, but for those foreigners like me it was completely new, so I give a short explanation:

It is a form of nonsense verse which is intentionally and overtly paradoxical, silly, witty, whimsical or just plain strange (yes, I am quoting). It can be quite amusing to read and also to write. The creature was popularized by the British artist Edward Lear in 1846, with the publication of "A Book of Nonsense".

It follows some rules, but very simple ones. I will give those rules at the end of the post.

Right now I invite all Forum goers to post here their own limmericks. Please try to make them flute related or at least music related.

I will do first. Here is my cherished pearl:

There was an old flutist at home
who wanted to play only alone
'cause he played so sharp
like the teeth of a shark
so he only could play for his own.

(it is not auto-biographic and not completely nonsensical...)

The winner will receive a link to a secret Youtube video with me, singing "Stars" from Les Misèrables.

Yes, the prize can be rejected. No questions asked!.

I await your contributions to international nonsense poetry and I hope this will chill things down a little. And do not forget the prize!

Here are the rules:

- The poem must have five lines
- The last words of lines one, two and five must rhyme together
- the last words of lines three and four must also rhyme together (just between them)
- The rhythm pattern must be as follows:
da DUM, da da DUM, da da DUM for lines one, two and five (kind of a three beat measure, OK?)
da DUM, da da DUM for lines three and four. (two beats only)

C'mon, you native English speakers will find it much easier to find the rhymes and the rhythm than it was for me.




<Added>

I notice this is my post # 1000! I congratulate myself and I trust this particular post will make everybody smile a little!

Ah, but you're not following your own rules. Home doesn't rhyme with alone or own, and sharp doesn't rhyme with shark. Your fourth and fifth lines both have a superfluous syllable, and your third line doesn't scan.

Try something like this instead:

Please practice each day on your tone.
Technique is important to hone.
Don't play out of tune
Or else very soon
You'll find yourself playing alone.

Sorry Scotch, I will refine it, it was my first attempt. But I was so happy with my achievement!... I could not wait.

Yours seems perfect and I hope we will soon have hundreds of them.

But I propose to make the rules a little more flexible if you don't mind:

- Rhyme could be accepted on looser phonetics rather than strict rhyme. This will open the door to candidates with a too peculiar writing, we have a few in this Forum and this could add to the fun.
- Rhythm is a problem for non native speakers like me; we imagine a rhythm based on how we would say the phrase and sometimes it is simply wrong. So a looser rhythm could be welcome when needed.
- The prize would be awarded by popular poll here, once we have a good quantity (a couple of thousands?)
- If people is scared of the idea of the prize I proposed originally, we could change to something better, but new ideas are required...






<Added>

Consider this one, by Rudyard Kipling:

There was a small boy of Quebec
Who was bury in snow to the neck
When they said, "Are you friz?"
He replied, "Yes, I is-
But we don't call this cold in Quebec"

or this, by H.G Wells:

Our novels get longa and longa
Their language get stronga and stronga
There's much to be said
For a life that is led
In illiterate places like Bonga

I don't know if I can print some of the limericks I know, ask JOE B about that...right Joe?

Patrick,
Something about a Mass. Coastal Island / Town no doubt?

I'm not entering into the contest since the followunbg is not my own creation..

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket. But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.


But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset.

<Added>

A limerick is a five-line poem with a strict form, originally popularized in English by Edward Lear. Limericks are frequently witty or humorous, and sometimes obscene with humorous intent.

The following example of a limerick is of anonymous origin.

The lim'rick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

Let's get back to the flute:

The flute is a sight to behold,
Constructed of silver or gold.
You place it just so
Then through your lips blow,
And nothing comes out (I've been told).

Of course, it's impossible to think of flutes and limericks without a certain tongue-twister coming to my mind, which the first line of the following limerick references:

"To tutor two tooters" the flute
is hardly a worthwhile pursuit.
Get up off your ass;
Conduct the whole class
(And afterward mail me the loot).

Some of us are slightly squeamish:

The flute is a symbol of sorts.
It whistles and wheezes and snorts.
One mustn't malign
Its phallic design....
I'm giving up band; I'll take sports.

- Rhyme could be accepted on looser phonetics rather than strict rhyme. This will open the door to candidates with a too peculiar writing, we have a few in this Forum and this could add to the fun.

The examples you quote are obviously making fun of rhyme itself, a common device in humorous verse and really the only acceptable deviation.

- Rhythm is a problem for non native speakers like me; we imagine a rhythm based on how we would say the phrase and sometimes it is simply wrong. So a looser rhythm could be welcome when needed.

Dactyls and trochees are sometimes interpolated into predominantly iambic verse, but the number of feet remains constant and the accents still must fall according to the meter. In terms of feet and accents, both your Kipling and Wells examples are entirely regular. (Feet: 4,4,3,3,4; accents: 3,3,2,2,3.) Don't get lost in translation: Try either to compose directly in English or else simply post your limerick in its original language--I'm sure we'll figure it out.

And of course everything I can come up with is dirty...

This remark confused me at first: Your limerick directly above it seems to me devoid of sexual innuendo. Alas, it turns out to be the work of another.

And of course everything I can come up with is dirty...

lol! You are such a goof! You crack me up because you sound so much like me!

I once bought a flute painted orange.
I got it for cheap. (It was orange.)
Despite its odd hue,
It played sweet and true.
(You thought I would try to rhyme orange?)

Okay, one more then I promise to stop (for a while). I hope I'm pronouncing her name properly:

There once was a flutist called Kara.
Try taking on her, boy--I dare ya.
She'll twitter and tweet
And peck at your feet.
Was ever an avis so rara?

Scotch, it seems you're on a roll.
Your Limmericks are ever so droll.
If you keep up this rhyming,
and all of this good timing,
You're be certain to win a next poll.

there once was a girl from winatch
who tried to get in on with a match...

ok, ill stop right there

<Added>

get it on**

I met this strange fellow called "Scotch".
I landed him one in the crotch.
He thinks he's a poet.
He's still apt to crow it.
(His voice, though, has moved up a notch.)

This one is from a friend who could not log-in directly. I'm not sure whether it scans:

Jose Luis you will soon do much better
As your spirits ain't easy to fetter.
Your rhymes you'll soon polish,
Your sharp sounds abolish
Keep on trying, you'll soon do much better