So here's my story: I'm the first chair flute player, and I deal with a lot of crap from the other people in my section. I'm called a show off, a cheater because I take private lessons, conceited, and a million other things. I've also got my piccolo taken from me a bunch of times! I don't get it! Why are flute players always so vicious?! I'm definatly not any of those things! I'm actually really shy. In middle school I was able to ignore the constant harrassing, but now I'm really sick of it. This has been going on for almost four years now and it's getting worse! All because I made select band for next year and none of them did. How can I tell them to leave me alone without being called a bitch (that's happened to me before too!)? Thanks.

Not to sound like a goody-two-shoes or anything, but if someone's been stealing your piccolo, you might want to report that to your teacher. As far as behavior goes, silence is golden, but if things start to get to bad, just say something to blow them off like, "In your dreams". That way, you're not insulting them, but merely deflecting the nasty comment back to them so they can't say anything. Hope this helps.

I'll try that. Thanks for helping out. :D

It sounds like your section mates are jealous of you. Taking private lessons to improve your abilities is certainly not cheating - quite the opposite. Your section mates are cheating themselves by NOT taking lessons. They could just be lazy or perhaps they simply can't afford to do so. Just be sure that you don't give the impression that you look down on them for not taking lessons. It might be possible that you are subconsciously giving off vibes that make them feel inferior. Even if you are not doing so, they might perceive your abilities as a threat to them. If you tell us a bit more about the situation, perhaps the folks here can offer some other suggestions.

However, someone taking your instrument is definitely wrong. First of all, never let your instruments out of your sight and don't leave them unattended to reduce the odds of it happening again. If it does happen again though, you should report it to your band director or principal. It's called theft and it should not be tolerated.

Some extra stuff about me in band:

In the beggining of 6th grade I was last chair. My teacher called my mom to tell her that I had potential and should take lessons. Thats how I started taking lessons.

My middle school band teacher was a push over and let these kids get away with anything. She also singled my out a lot by making me play parts that people were having trouble with so they could hear what it should sound like.

In 7th grade there was a solo in one of the songs (it was the first time for us). The teacher said she was gonna have an audition a few weeks before the concert which led to being ignored by most of the section of a good part of the year.

My new band teacher this year gave me 3 solos at the last concert without holding an audition (which was a good thing for me because of how badly it ended last time). That probably didn't help me though.

If you want to know anything else just ask.

Wow you have some messed up section mates

They probably are jealous of you
Def. Tell your band director of the stealing.

".......a cheater because I take private lessons....."

Hello,
I teach privately, and I can tell you that it's not cheating to take private lessons. It's the way that good musicians that care about music learn it and how they then teach it. I'd like to write a book for you on this but simply, it's the way to learn music and musical instruments properly.

"Wow you have some messed up section mates"

Yeppers. Just keep you head high and do the right things so that you can be proud of your actions when it's all over. That will happen soon enough.

first of all like everyone else said if they are stealing your instruments tell the teacher, also let them know what else is happening maybe they can help. if they call you a showoff just tell them that at least you have the right to show off and that if they don't like it just don't listen, if anyone says your cheating cause you take lessons just tell them that alot of the band take lessons and just cause they are too lazy to them selves don't take it out on you.

most of all it sounds like they are jelous, tell them to get a life and to look at what they can do compared to you (make them feel like they aren't as inferia as they think) you could even offer to help but they may not like it. But if they are that bad ignore them. i used to be bullied at my old school and i used to fight back, but when i finally started to ignore them it went away for the most part (but my mum had also phoned the school as well by the end when i didn't want to go to school)

I have an idea, next time those dumba$$es steal your piccolo, go right to your schools principal or officer (if you have an officer, go there first) and have them suspended for theft! I think that would be hilarious!

It seems to me that they are very jealous of you. I think you should keep ignoring them to the best of your abilities, but if things get too bad (and if they steal your piccolo again) you should report it to your band director or principal right away! Also, I think that they are trying to get a reaction to all of their comments and things, so try not to give them a reaction (don't yell at them or get really mad if you talk to them). If you talk to them, just use a calm, assertive voice and tell them that you don't like what their doing, and they need to stop right away. Just try to be as nice as you can if you have to talk to them. Also, they might feel bad because they never get to play any of the solos. If you have been playing all of them, you could ask your band director if maybe someone else can have a turn at playing the solos. It also seems to me that they don't take music very seriously. Some of the flute players (and other people) in my band are like this, and never want to work on anything. If the other flute players were as serious about music as you are, they would be taking private lessons and practicing. You seem to be the only one who deserves to be in first chair, so don't let their comments about being a "cheater" bother you.

Abigail

I think you have a few things going there, some of which you will not be able to control at all. All the suggestions above are good. Understand that in uncontrolled groups (like your middle school band) the group will find and pick out some to harrass. Someone to be beat, insulted, and belittled. If you wanted to learn more you could research medievel culture and such - but it is an animalistic trait amoung most group oreinted animals. They apparently have chosen you (yes, because of envy,anger at their parents, distrubing the balance of the group by being so much better,etc.)

My advice:
As stated above ignore them as much as possible. Don't give them ultimatums! Don't say something like, "if you don't stop I'm going to tell the pricipal". Don't give any "or elses". Pleasantly inform them that you would prefer they not take your instrument. SImple as that, "please I would prefer that you not take my instrument."

If you have a pychologist or on campus you might want to schedule a visit or two. Not because your crazy but because these people work in the adolescent environment and they have a better understanding of how the brains are working. They might be able to listen to what is going on and come up with a plan that could help ease the tensions. And regardless of what is right or wrong, they might find something you are doing that is encouraging the bahavior ( again, not that you are doing anything wrong - but the psych could tell you what it is about you that atracts them to harrass you.) Then you could modify your behavior when they are around.

Turning them in will not make things easier, but may be necessary if things get bad. If you have to do it, then do it. Don't make excuses, don't warn them, don't be apologetic. Hold your head high and understand there are consequences to every action. Your actions and their actions.

<Added>

I like janetc's post below.
Excellent idea, excellent concept.

Here's some advice from a mom. Try visiting the site:

www.bullies2buddies.com

Click on Free Manual then Kids Manual.

Some people say that this manual tells kids to "just ignore them," but it's actually more subtle than that. It's based on anger management, so it's more like "learn to control your own anger." Pretending it doesn't bother you while still feeling upset inside isn't as useful as truly controlling your anger.

Whether the harassment stops completely or not, this is what you need to do -- clear the anger out of your own mind so that it doesn't affect your performance. And, it turns out that what makes teasing fun is seeing the victim get upset and mess up, so controlling your anger really does cause the harassment to end or at least ease up.

It's a simple idea, but it's hard in practice. My girls are very emotional and have a tough time with it, but when they focus on it, they can do it and it does help.

"Bilbo" is right on with "do the right things so that you can be proud of your actions when it's all over." That is always much better advice than trying to get revenge in an underhanded way.

Sorry that you have to deal with this, and good luck,

--Janet

Hey, I totally get where you're coming from!!! I took the same stuff in high school because I showed initiative. I didn't get to join band until I was in 8th grade because the school I went to until 7th grade didn't have band. My band director kind of recruited me to play mallets in the persussion section because I knew how to play piano, but I really wanted to play flute, so he let me borrow one that next summer and I kind of taught myself. That next year (my freshman year) I chair tested for marching band on flute and made third chair. No one was happy, especially a few of the juniors that had been playing since 5th grade. I ended up being recruited to play bassoon in concert band, so I never sat as a flute except in marching band and ensembles. But when we were doing that, they were vicious, especially my junior and senior year, when my director would put me as first chair when I did play flute.

But anyway, I know it's hard to deal with now, but high school doesn't last forever, and these people will go on their merry little way when you all graduate. No matter how much or who you complain to will ever make things better. For some reason flutists are really competative. (I'm sure you, as I used to, are always facing a chair challenger because someone is being a twit.) Now that I'm in college, it seems easier, it seems like people have matured somewhat and appreciate one anothers talents.

As for the stealling of the picc business, here's what I used to do. I had a stand that kept my flute and my picc standing straight up. That way, it was always right there just by my feet and in sight, and also just under my director's gaze. (Our flute section was placed to where I was right on the front row.) Those stands are like $30.00, so that might work for you. If it doesn't, then call attention to the missing picc immediatly!!! Remember you can turn the other cheek against immature jerks, but your poor defenseless picc can't. And some people just don't respect instuments.

Lastly, Please don't let this situation taint your love for music. It sounds like you have a lot of potential. I have a friend who plays trumpet here at my college and he almost didn't join band here because he was afraid that it was going to be the same way as it was for him in high school. Keep doing EVERYTHING you can to develop your gift. That flute can be a doorway to whereever you want to go in life. Don't let others stand in the way.

Good Luck!!!