I would appreciate some comments based on what it takes to improve lyric writing skills. I have read that a lot of you think depressing lyrics are "all there is" the the world of music. You are very wrong! Though they can be extreme, and great, they only touch on a group of human emotions. The rest are missed, and those emotions have a time and place too. Anyway, here is something I wrote. Without completely killing me, give me some thoughts on how I can get out of my worst habits (they are restricting)
rhyme, and holding back.
Too Long

I’m tired of this book,/ and I don’t understand the story
Where’s the plot?/ Is that the cause of all my pain?
Find/ a prescription for me/ give me some pills
This numbness kills,/ and I’ve lost my will for living

Insomnia/ invites itself for dinner
Stays until its so unwelcome/ that I hope it stays some more
My mind relaxes only/ for a minute
From the outside looking in, I must look like I am going crazy…

Chorus
Pinch me,/ I want proof that I’m alive
Slap me in the face/ and throw some icy water
Wake me up,/ I’ve been dreamin’/ for forever
And it’s a nightmare,/ that’s gone on way too long

I try to look/ like I am better/ than I am
And Ill be able to for just this long/ as long as it is needed
Ill take some pills/ and hold on tight/ to only what I see
My self-/diagnosis is correct,/ wont you concede

Insomnia/ invites itself for dinner
Stays until its so unwelcome/ that I hope it stays some more
My mind relaxes only/ for a minute
From the outside looking in,/ I must look like I am going crazy…

Chorus

I’m suspended in this realm,/ in this book of fantasy
Where everything is not how you would ever want to be
I’ve been reading this forever/ – and there’s nothing I can do
Maybe tomorrow/ I’ll be finished with page three

Insomnia invites itself for dinner
Stays until its so unwelcome/ that I hope it stays some more
My mind relaxes only for a minute
From the outside looking in, I must look like I am going crazy…

Chorus

Just good very good...

im writting a song about hobos for my new song the hobo song..

can u write da lyrics? if so e-mail me richeymyrich@hotmail.com

I emailed you richy.....OK?

Anyone else? PLEASE FEEDBACK

I really Like it! You wrote that?...cool...It`s really relatable...

i think you might be on drugs. its prtty bad

I think its okay. I write songs for my band and thats pretty close to how good I write on a good day! I really like that...its good but there is room for improvement. Try thinking about how other people will feel either reading or listening to it. Thatmight not work for everyone so dont think youll win the world that way. It doesnt matterb if you rhyme or not but dont rhyme then not rhyme then rhyme again and I hope that helps you. oh and remember to have fun with what your writing thats the key to a good song. I think so anyway.

Hope I helped you out!! good luck!!