The Big Band Theory
(Mark Graham)

Many billion years before in what we call the days of yore
The view was so uncluttered an@ pristine.
The Universe was void, nary one stray asteroid.
Creation, friends, had yet to make the scene.
Then with a rude and primal hiss, some fundamental orifice
Blasted forth effluvia and gas.
So call it what you may, but for now just let us say
That the cosmos in its glory came to pass.

It was on that fateful day the earth was sent upon its way
A pleasure cruise upon the cosmic sea.
With Jupiter and Mars and a cast of well-known stars
To keep their little buddy company.
The director of the cruise kept them thoroughly amused
And delighted were they with the bill of fare.
They were certainly surprised when they finally realized
That they'd booked a one-way trip to God knows where.

Being molten for a term, old Terra Firma became firm
And oceans filled the holes eventually.
The celestial planning board soon came to full accord
And zoned the planet residentially.
When the great time-sharing plan on Condo Earth began
Real estate was for the wealthy few.
Now even low class bugs and germs could afford the easy terms
On a luxury apartment with a view.

It wasn't long before gigantic dinosaurs
Were strolling up and down throughout the land
But their tiny cerebellums weren't smart enough to tell 'em
That their terrible demise was close at hand.
Those tremendous herbivores ate their herbal hos d'oevres
Gambolling about without a care.
And now they can be found far underneath the ground
In some forgotten geologic layer.

The time went age by age and other creatures took the stage
Gorillas, rats and dogs were in the cast.
And a naked biped beast who may not have been the least
But was among those folks who took their places last.
This two-legged prima donna told all the other fauna
That the starring role was his and his alone.
When the others asked him why, he just pointed to the sky
And said that God had told him on the phone.

With his new opposing thumb and his king-sized cranium
Man sallied forth with grace and savoir faire.
With Promethian desire he soon discovered fire,
And arson but a single step from there.
The wheel and gasoline, to the full-sized limousine
Music, art and law are but a few,
But name what can compare to the artistry so rare
Of the sparerib that has met the barbecue.

Now, I would like to say that we've come a long, long way
From that big primeval blast a-way back when.
And before we say farewell I'd like to know just where the hell
This roller coaster ride is going to end.
Will we all be blown away on some atomic judgment day
Or travel off through space in high renown?
But where'er we finally go, one thing I truly know
Is we'll find a way to go there sitting down.

Copyright Mark Graham 1979
RG