At the Boarding House

At the boarding house where I lived,
Things were getting green with mold
The landlord's hair was in the butter,
Silver threads among the gold.

When the dog died, we had hotdogs
When the cat died, catnip tea,
When the landlord died, I left there,
Spare ribs were too much for me.

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As sung by Judy Cook, who learned it from her father.
tune: Silver Threads Among The Gold

Also:
While the organ pealed potatoes, lard was rendered by the choir
And the sexton wrang the dishrag, someone set the church on fire.
"Holy smoke!" the preacher shouted, as he wildly tore his hair;
Now his head resembles Heaven, 'cause there is no parting there.

Girls can never change their nature,
'Tis a thing beyond their reach;
If a girl is born a lemon,
She can never be a peach.
But the law of compensation
Does this lesson to us teach:
You can always squeeze a lemon;
Ever tried to squeeze a peach?

The train was standing at the station,
When a young man full of care
Running madly to get on it,
Tripped--fell headlong down the stair.
An old lady rushed up to him,
Said, "Did you miss a step, my son?"
He looked up and said, "No, lady,
I hit every bloody one!"

[Tune, Silver Threads among the Gold.]
DC, RG, MS