Chivalrous Shark
(Wallace Irwin)

The most chivalrous fish of the ocean,
To ladies forbearing and mild,
Though his record be dark
Is the man-eating shark
Who will eat neither woman nor child.

He dines upon seamen and skippers,
And tourists his hunger assuage,
And a fresh cabin boy
Will inspire him with joy
If he's past the maturity age.

A doctor, a lawyer, a preacher,
He'll gobble one any fine day,
But the ladies, God bless 'em.
He'll only address 'em
Politely and go on his way.

l can readily cite you an instance
Where a lovely young lady of Breem,
Who was tender and sweet
And delicious to eat,
Fell into the bay with a scream.

She struggled and flounced in the water
And signaled in vain for her bark,
And she'd surely been drowned
If she hadn't been found
By a chivalrous man-eating shark.

He bowed in a manner most polished.
Thus soothing her impulses wild:
"Don't be frightened," he said,
I've been properly bred
And I eat neither woman nor child."

Then he proffered his fin and she took it-
While the passengers cheered
As the vessel they neared
And a broadside was fired in salute.

And they soon stood alongside the vessel,
When a life-saving dinghy was lowered
With the pick of the crew,
And her relatives too,
And the mate and the skipper aboard.

So they took her aboard in a jiffy
And the shark stood at attention the while,
Then he raised on his flipper
And ate up the skipper
And went on his way with a smile.

And this shows that the prince of the ocean,
To ladies forbearing and mild,
Though his record be dark,
Is the man-eating shark
Who will eat neither woman nor child

Reprinted in Song Fest by Dick and Beth Best
from Nautical Lays of a Landsman by Wallace Irwin
@fish @animal
Copyright 1904 Wallace Irwin
SOF