The Charming Young Widow
(W.H. Cove and John Parry ca 1840)

I live in Vermont, and one morning last summer
A letter inform'd me my Uncle was dead.
And also requested I'd come down to Boston
As he'd left me a large sum of money it said.
Of course I determined on making the journey
And to book myself by the "first class" I was fain.
Tho' I had gone "second" I had never encounter'd
The Charming Young Widow I met on the train.

Yet scarce was I seated within the compartment,
Before a fresh passenger enter'd the door,
'Twas a female--a young one--and dress'd in deep mourning
An infant in long clothes she gracefully bore,
A white cap surrounded a face oh so lovely!
I never shall look on one like it again
I fell deep in love over head in a moment,
With the Charming Young Widow I met in the Train.

The Widow and I side by side sat together
The carriage containing ourselves and no more,
When silence was broken by my fair companion
Who enquired the time by the watch that I wore.
I of course satisfied her, and then conversation
Was freely indulged in by both, 'till my brain
Fairly reeled with excitement, I grew so enchanted
With the Charming Young Widow I met in the Train.

We became so familiar I ventured to ask her
How old was the child that she held at her breast.
"Ah Sir!" she responded, and into tears bursting
Her infant still closer convulsively pressed.
"When I think of my child I am well nigh distracted
Its Father--my Husband--oh my heart breaks with pain."
She choking with sobs leaned her head on my waistcoat
Did the Charming Young Widow I met in the Train.

By this time the Train had arrived at a Station
Within a few miles of the great one in town
When my charmer exclaimed, as she looked through the window
"Good gracious alive! why there goes Mr. Brown.
He's my late Husband's Brother; dear Sir would you kindly
My best beloved child for a moment sustain? "
Of course I complied--then off on the platform
Tripped the Charming Young Widow I met in the Train.;

Three minutes elapsed when the whistle it sounded
The Train began moving-no Widow appeared.
I bawled out "stop ! stop!" but they paid no attention
With a snort, and a jerk, starting off as I feared.
In this horrid dilemma I sought for the hour-
But my watch! ha! Where was it ? Where, where was my chain!
My purse too, my ticket, gold pencil-case! all gone!
Oh that Artful Young Widow I met in the Train.

While I was my loss thus so deeply bewailing
The Train again stopped and I "tickets please" heard.
So I told the Conductor while dandling the infant
The loss I'd sustained--but he doubted my word.
He called more officials; a lot gathered round me,
Uncovered the child--oh how shall I explain!
For behold 'twas no baby! 'Twas only a dummy!
Oh that Crafty Young Widow I met in the Train.

Satisfied I'd been robbed they allowed my departure
Though, of course I'd to settle my fare the next day.
And I now wish to counsel young men from the country
Lest they should get served in a similar way.
Beware of Young Widows you meet on the Railway
Who lean on your shoulder; whose tears fall like rain.
Look out for your pockets in case they resemble
The Charming Young Widow I met on the Train.

From Flashes of Merriment, Levy
RG