O'Dooley's First Five O'Clock Tea

O'Dooley got rich on an aqueduct job
And he made a considerable pile.
His neighbors with envy regarded the scene
To see him assuming such style.
O'Dooley himself was as bad as the rest
With diamonds he dazzled the day,
But affairs reached their height when there came an invite
To O'Dooley's first five o'clock "tay".

Cho:
Sure is it one lump or two lumps?
Permit me to pass you the cream.
Sure, Missus McCarthy, the dress you have on is a dream!
The whole entertainment was governed by etiquet-"tay"
And a high-toned social event was
O'Dooley's first five o'clock "tay".

Now McManus the butcher he envied such style
And he vowed he would end the restraint;
He'd a bottle of whiskey concealed on his hip
Which he carried in case he felt faint.
When no one was looking he pulled out the cork
Just as stealthy and sly as could be,
And he emptied the bottle of booze that he'd brought
In the kettle of five o'clock "tea".

Now you know what a drink to the Irish can do
When a hold of their feelings it's ketched,
First old Missus Dempsey attempted to sing
"The Night Before Larry got Stretched."
The widow McCann hoochie-koochied around
Just as undignified as could be,
And O'Dooley's son, Mike, rode down stairs on his trike
At that fabulous five o'clock tea.

Now O'Dooley himself was amazed at the sight,
Especially to see his own wife
Attempting to steal Sergeant Henley's chapeau
A woman at her time of life!
He soon smelled a rat! To the kettle he ran
He sniffed and "Begorra!" cried he,
"I'll make it bad news for the man who put booze
In the kettle of five o'clock tea."

from Pankake- Prairie Home Companion Folk Song Book
RG