Fifty Cents

I took my girl to a ball last night, 'twas such a fancy hop
We stayed until the folks went home, the music it did stop.
Then to a restaurant we went, the finest on the street
She said she wasn't hungry, but this is what she'd eat:

A dozen raw, a plate of slaw, some fancy Boston roast,
Some turtle stew, crackers, too, some soft-shelled crab on toast?
Next she tried some oysters fried; her appetite was immense!
She asked for pie! I thought I'd die, for I had but fifty cents!

After eating all of this she smiled so very sweet,
She said she'wasn't hungry at all, she wished that she could eat;
But the very next order that she gave, my heart within me sank.
She said she wasn't thirsty at all, but this is what she drank:

A brandy, a gin, a big hot rum, a schooner of lager beer,
Some whiskey skins and two more gins did quickly disappear;
A bottle of ale, a soda cocktail, she astonished all the gents!
She called for more, I fell on the floor, for I had but fifty cents.

To finish up, this delicate girl cleaned out an ice cream can?
She says, "Now, Sam, I'll tell mama you're such a nice young man."
She said she'd bring her sister along next time she came, for fun.
I handed the man my fifty cents, and this is what he done:

He broke my nose, he tore my clothes, he knocked me out of breath;
I took the prize for two black eyes, he kicked me most to death.
At every chance he made me dance, he fired me over the fence,
Take my advice: don't try it twice, when you have but fifty cents.

See also My Name is Morgan (But It Ain't J.P.)
From Pious Friends, Shay
RG