Of Late I've Been Driven Near Crazy

Of late I've been driven near crazy
All on account of my wife.
She ran away with a Chinee
And left me to mourn all my life.
I wrote her a million of letters
And asked her my faults to forget.
No matter how many I wrote her,
These are the answers I get.
Wait 'til the gang on the corner
Refuses to take a big bowl,
Wait `til the bank robbers in Canada
Bring back all the money they stole,
When Jay Gould and the great Knights of Labor
And all the trade unions agree,
And the people don't back-bite their neighbors
Then, my darling, I'II come back to thee.

She stole all my clothes and my money.
She left me as poor as a mouse.
Her actions were awfully funny.
She stole all I had in the house.
But I wrote her and said l'd forgive her
If she would but come back again.
This morning I received a large letter
And this is what it did contain.
Wait `til the actors and married men
Agree with all business men.
Wait 'til we find one who's hen-pecked
That's in love with his mother-in-law.
When the K.C.'s and Eagles and Masons
Unite in a grand jubilee.
When the Chinese rule this nation
Then, my darling, I'll come back to thee.

note: A sort-of update of Waly, Waly
From Folk Songs out of Wisconsin, Peters
Collected from Lester Coffee, Harvard, IL, 1946 who learned it
ca. 1870-1880
RG